bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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