My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
