you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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