The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
