I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Shame is for Republicans.
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