Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
