I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
