i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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