i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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