I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
should my penis look like a turkey
cat food counts as protein by the way
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
