The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
