Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize