His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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