remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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