hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
