And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
