Swine flu. Run for my life!
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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