Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Just puked most of my soul out..
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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