I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
