Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
