Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
