We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
don't judge my taste in strippers
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
