physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
that's an acceptable place to lick
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
