If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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