I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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