you traded sex for a burrito?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
