Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
