John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
