Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
