Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
