yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize