so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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