i wish my penis had a tongue
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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