Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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