fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
