it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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