So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
