i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
