this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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