know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
