Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Pooping to opera.
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