I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
