those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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