i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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