Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
