Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She bit a glass in half.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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