My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
