the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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