yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
