pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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