I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Randomize
