so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
