I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
