I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
