but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
