She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
