I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
