today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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