Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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