Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
