Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
