So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
