If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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