I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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