I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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