You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
