I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
