Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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