were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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