Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
