GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
