can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
