i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
