We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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