Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
