battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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