Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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